Gym won’t fix it.

This has come from a combination of my love/hate relationship with the gym and thinking the title ‘Gym’ll Fix It’ was funny. Of course we all know that using the title ‘Gym’ll Fix It’ is deeply inappropriate because it refers to Jimmy Saville, who, as you may recall was an unforgivable, talentless, slimy shit who […]

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Why flight is shight.

Written before, during and after a lovely holiday in Portugal this summer. Full of swearing and bile and bitterness. Best not read it if you don’t like swearing and bile and bitterness. Also not in parts, just one big unstoppable diatribe.   I am just about to send a text to my good friend Colin. […]

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I swear to God.

I got a text the other day from one of my finest friends, my best man at my first wedding so far, no less. I feel it’s only fair to protect his identity (not for his sake but for that of his wife and children who are all very amazing, almost teasingly great, human beings) so […]

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Ice Bucket Challenged. Part 3.

And it looks like this. As you may have worked out it’s not so much the charitable part, though charity does underpin it entirely, but the sheer waste of resources and effort involved. God knows how many millions of gallons of water were used up last year globally on this clueless wave of moronic bandwagon […]

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Ice Bucket Challenged. Part 2.

……..and breathe out. 3. At this point time will stand still as one gets a chance to consider the container around which the success of the whole challenge orbits. There is no such thing as a truly successful delivery, and no, I’m not going to prove it by doing one, it’s already pretty clear I […]

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Ice Bucket Challenged. Part 1.

(If this seems a very belated basket of observations it’s not because I have just been roused from a coma. I wrote this in March or something and there’s really not a lot of point it sitting on my computer wasting vowels and consonants. It’s quite long, which is why its split into parts. And bits of it […]

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Unworthy news.

Today’s offering was originally in two parts, the first being a few choice words to articulate my feelings about something horrific that happened yesterday evening. Then ‘the wife’ stepped in and suggested it might be best to isolate that from the rest of this because to stick the two together would be insensitive and inappropriate. […]

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Things to celebrate in November.

It has occurred to me of late, having re-read the stuff on this blog several times, wincing at every grammatical error and charmless insult, that one might accuse me of being a bit miserable. That being a grumpy bastard may just be my raisin d’etre. Well I’m thoroughly insulted by that suggestion (that I’ve just […]

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No pain, no gain. Parts 1 to 23.

(Written on a lazy morning this summer to keep Bargain Hunt, Escape to the Country, Dickinson’s Real Deal and general scratching at bay. Did it work? Did it arse.) I woke with ‘the wife’ this morning who then got up and scurried about (like a lovely squirrel, not a rat in a chemical fire) getting […]

Read More No pain, no gain. Parts 1 to 23.