On Christmas Day, in the morning.

Having swerved the usual glass of bucks fizz I find I am a little more focused this morning than I normally would be, and so here’s some festive thoughts. You’re welcome. Later on we’ll be hearing all about how 2019 has been for The Queen and her thoroughly redundant family. She’s taken understatement to a […]

Peace on earth?

I know it’s Christmas but it doesn’t really feel like it. When’s the second coming? That’s what I want to know. Yes, the lights are on and the carols are being sung and the shelves are heaving, the trollies colliding and the car parks bursting with pent up aggression but that wasn’t what Jesus was […]

Jingle, jingle; musical tinsel and jizz.

Imagine dying to the sound of a Christmas song. Imagine the sense of anti-climax and of waste, the feeling that despite all your sins and flaws you still felt you deserved better. Slipping away to the sound of Roy Wood or Shakin’ Stevens or Paul McCartney hiccupping their way through their very own festive nice-little-earner. […]

Letting off steam.

I’ve been toying with this all week but my will to live has been flagging and so the energy just hasn’t been there. I’ll keep it short. Or my version of short. If you want to visit an active volcano then good for you. Wifey and I went to Sicily a few years ago and […]

A dull Matt finish.

The news, should it be your kind of news, or any kind of news, that Matt Baker is to leave The One Show next year has no doubt mildly brushed the lives of anyone with nothing better to do at 7.00pm on a weekday. I watched his predictably tearful announcement (not while watching ‘The One […]

A stomach Turner.

Heard of Yomi Ṣode? No, me neither, well at least not until yesterday when he popped up on a Radio 4 programme as I drove home through the cold and the spray of a crow black late afternoon, startled by headlights and looking forward to nothing more ambitious than a warm house and grateful cat, […]

The Last Funny Australian.

Until yesterday I could have safely counted the number of funny Australians on the thumb of one hand. Now there are none. Funny is not what Australians do. They’re too rugged and practical and when they do try funny it just comes out clunky and awkward, and when that doesn’t work they just get uptight […]

Oh, the complex life!

“I would say I have a very complex life. I’m sure we all have complex lives. But I can’t talk about absolutely how complex it is.” Go on, have a guess. Aren’t you intrigued? I mean, for starters it’s quite a heavy statement to be trying to tackle: the complexities of just one life. I […]

On glorious gangsters.

A week from now The Irishman comes out on Netflix: finally I can start making some money back. If you’ve already seen it then don’t spoil the ending for me (let me guess – someone gets whacked). If you have no idea what I’m talking about you may wish to pan away and find something […]

On gathering dust.

Yesterday we went to an antiques fair. I’ve certainly been to antique shops before. I’ve even been to a small selection of antique emporia (little difference to a shop), but I’ve never been to an antiques fair. And for that I must reflect and thank someone for 43 years of good fortune. I have a […]