Toy Story Flaw.

Last night we went to see Toy Story 4 at our local middle class restored art deco cinema. Most middle class towns have one of them these days. If you don’t then you must be working class scum. We decided to taxi it and shared a bottle of wine and had a few snacks and […]

Befeathered be wary: here’s Hairy Mary!

When is a bird not a welcome bird? When it’s in your kitchen, that’s when. And when is not a good time to find a disabled bird in your kitchen? Any time, that’s when. I appreciate that it was going to happen at some point, that her kitty killer instincts would move on to larger […]

Too much of too much.

I’ve just taken my car through the wash. You don’t see many people wash their own cars these days, with a bucket and sponge, on bright Sunday mornings, little rivulets of soapy water trickling down the driveway, dancing with every colour of the rainbow, a pet dog just sitting there looking at them like they’re […]

On horses and carriages.

You don’t even need to scratch the surface to find a load of bollocks about weddings on the internet. Christ knows how much time is spent trawling the cyber-aisles looking for advice and ideas and venues and do’s and don’t and endless ways of emptying your bank account just in the pursuit of the perfect wedding day. […]

No sporting chance.

I have an Antipodean work colleague, let’s call him Jasper Ricketts, who I have recently allowed into the inner sanctum that is onstupidity.com. I don’t really want this site to have an inner sanctum, I’d like the whole world to read it but then it wouldn’t be so nice if people started pelting me with […]

The trappings of tourism.

I’ve scurried inside. The sun must have crept up a bit closer in the night and hid behind a Renault Megane around the corner because outside it’s positively in your face and ten minutes was enough because I just want a morning off slapping sun lotion everywhere. So I’m in the hotel lobby listening to […]

Big city blues.

Barcelona is a big place. Bigger than I thought and it serves very well the fundamental rule of tourist mistakes (of which ‘the wife’ and I have committed almost all you could suggest) that cities should never be tackled in the heat. As I understand it Britain almost exploded on Thursday with temperature records ‘tumbling’ […]

Oh I do like to be…

Some holiday ramblings. Take ’em or leave ’em. So here we are, Lloret De Mar, Floret De Mard, Grande Plaige De La Plume De Ma Tante. It’s not even French but France isn’t too far away: a sickly sweat fest on the Med with as much to recommend it as to send you sprinting with […]

Universal boredom.

Apparently Lewis Hamilton is not a happy man. He’s complained about the fact that this Sunday sees a clash of sporting events – The Cricket World Cup, The Wimbledon men’s final and The British Grand Prix. I expect he wants to look like he’s championing the sporting viewer but in reality he just wants as […]

Ever decreasing.

This is what condensation looks like. Sitting in a room looking around at the condensation of a life. A life whittled down to the barest bones, you’d think, but really there could and will be a bit more whittling to be had. Though that would be a new level of ruthless. The day will come, […]