A Charmless THird.

They say that the third time’s a charm. They are wrong. Who listens to they anyway? I have been patient and held back my third consecutive entry for the AA Gill food writing award until now, two days after the winner was announced. You will have established even at this early point that the winner […]

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Alan-A-Fail.

I was going to write a piece about Russian expansionist aggression, but then I started thinking about something that bothers me far more than that. I wonder to myself: with all the shit going on in the world at the moment do we really need Alan Titchmarsh? What is he for? Whom does he serve? […]

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An Idiot Wind.

Lord above, there’s a wind out there. Properly gusty. It’s the kind of weather ‘event’ we keep getting told will happen more, going forward (what a terrible, redundant pairing of words), due to climate change and the impact human beings have had on the planet. Not that this particularly helps. Back in the middle ages […]

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Cheerio Prince.

Before you begin – this is not a very late obituary for the artist formerly known as Prince. Just in case you were getting excited. Oh, the relief. Quick, set the bells ringing in every belfry across the land. Issue a new set of commemorative stamps perhaps? Maybe a special bank holiday later this year? […]

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Ready for war?

I wonder how big Vladimir Putin’s willy is. My initial feeling was that it is probably pretty small. He looks like the kind of man who would have a small one. He certainly acts like the kind of man who has a small one, what with all his macho posturing and artillery waving. He looks […]

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Try To Look Away.

Somewhere out there is a small group of awful people who get to decide what goes on TV. I’m not talking about the directors, producers, actors or presenters, but rather about the commissioners and the type of people that sit down and decide what sort of programme we might like to watch today; or more […]

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A 70’s worth of riff.

It’s a question you’ve probably asked yourself many times: just what is a riff? And believe you me, it’s a very good question (and you are a remarkably clever and thoughtful person to have asked). When it comes to the technical side of music I am very patchy indeed, and so I can’t give the […]

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On Chinese snow.

Maybe I’ve been living under a rock too long. Maybe I’m just far too naïve for my own good. Naïve, almost certainly, but I wouldn’t say I was thick across the board. And yet it has never occurred to me that there is so little snow left that we have to make more snow to […]

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More On Adele.

And suddenly I see what has happened to Adele. She’s turned. She’s lost her way. She believes the hype. She has allowed all the smoke that’s been blown up her (bleached?) arsehole to cloud her judgement. And I don’t believe her anymore. Some critics say they can hear her singing voice taking on more of […]

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