Suffolks Sake.

Just like poor, lovely George Michael, we’ve all found ourselves in an unfortunate toilet situation at some point. Whether it be running out of paper at a crucial moment, accidentally splashing tap water on your trousers, pissing on your own shoes or pebble-dashing the walls, I’m here to tell you that bad things can happen […]

#555.

A bit of a new start. Or a bit of an old ending. Or maybe neither. Rambling and incoherent, like Proust or Biden. A refresher and a reflection. Something of something and nothing at all, as so many things in life. To put it bluntly, it’s a bit shit, but I don’t care because it’s […]

The Holiday 101.

Because we’ve all been there. Or somewhere. May contain mistakes. G B Burton. 21.07.2025

Come Together.

Hundreds of years ago, and only if you had the urge and power to make it so, it would take quite a lot of time and planning to gather even a modest rooms worth of arseholes together. Back then the world was, somehow, both a bigger and smaller place (although, more accurately and to fly […]

The Perils Of Self Improvement.

It’s very difficult to tell how healthy one really is, on a day to day basis. Through dogged repetition and to blow away the Saturday morning cobwebs from the Friday night before I have chipped away at my Park Run result to the extent that I have finally broken the 24 minute barrier, and for […]

V.E.Lucky.

By the time Hitler got round to his big day in the bunker it was pretty much all over with regards to his grand plans for a thousand year Reich. By late April 1945 he had very likely narrowed down his ambitions slightly, but even then another 988 years living in a bunker with flickering […]

Pink Is The Colour (parts 1-4).

I don’t go into London as often as I used to, and that’s really not a problem. It might have its hustle and bustle and top of the food chain city status, but it’s also not a lot of the fun it used to be. Perhaps it’s because I’m older, or just because I associate […]

Dinner For Thirteen.

Dinner for thirteen is never a good idea. For a start, it’s an odd number so you’re always going to have someone playing gooseberry. You’re also very likely going to need an extra chair and if you’ve got an extending dining table then you’re going to have to extend it all the way as far […]

A Load Of Rubbish.

Literally, a load of rubbish about rubbish. It doesn’t matter that it’s rubbish, it’s just nice to crawl out of a big old rut and do something. Anything. Even if it is, indeed, quite rubbish. Living in Britain has become embarrassing. To be fair, it’s been embarrassing for a quite a while already. I’d say, […]

Barking Mad.

It’s been a few years since I last watched Crufts (or should I say paid any attention to Crufts?). I remember settling in one evening, I’m guessing pre-Covid, and laughing at Crufts so hard I got hiccups. Like any competition of this nature, where you are watching animals being asked to bend to the will […]