She’s heard us. Shut the door. SHE’S COMING!!!

When I was a kid we had a pet tortoise called Stan. Having a tortoise is easy. Box, straw, dandelions, lettuce, water, bury. Possibly the most exciting part of owning Stan was that moment every day when you thought he had escaped from the garden. A mild panic would set in until, inevitably, he was […]

A field full of hats.

This is going to sound very snobby and judgemental but if it saves you from making a bad decision then eventually you’ll thank me. Until very recently I had only associated Hatfield with Hatfield House; a big old Tudory place off the A1. I vaguely recall going round it on a school day trip though […]

Roger, Roger. Over and out.

The other week (no not that one, the other one) I was sad about the passing of Powers Boothe, a criminally underrated actor and very cool guy. I hope 2017 isn’t going to do for actors what 2016 did to musicians which is ruthlessly scythe them down before they have a chance to say goodbye […]

Harry Styles: A critical analysis.

I never thought I’d find myself writing this but I actually quite like Harry Styles’ new song. Now let’s not get too hysterical; it’s not a masterpiece, it’s not breath-taking and it’s certainly not the song I want played at my funeral. But I wouldn’t object to hearing it at someone else’s funeral. Maybe the […]

Blink and you’ll miss it.

If there’s ever been a good reason to sit down and write a bit of a rant then surely ‘the traveller community’ is it. Quick question: is there anyone who isn’t in ‘the traveller community’ that has any positive feelings about ‘the traveller community’? The answer is a resounding yes because we all know that there’ll be […]

Saved a pack. Lucky huh?

Once in a while someone you love dies and you almost don’t hear about it. A quick look at the Arts and Entertainment page of the BBC News website this afternoon almost wasn’t enough. There was a story about an Asian man making history by winning an acting BAFTA. Quick, go out and fetch some […]

In a hurry.

Well aren’t things all rosy? This week has been fairly un-monumental but I have got a few little things to get off my chest. 1. I don’t like to say I told you so but I was right about Diane Abbott. She has pretensions to be the Home Secretary of the United Kingdom and Northern […]

We’re gonna need a bigger vote.

Oh God. Of all the things that we don’t need right now surely another national vote is at the top of the list. We’d actually be better off with another huge outbreak of foot and mouth. Or a petrol strike. Or a Spanish Flu epidemic. If recent history has proved anything about the political instincts […]

Bog standard.

Where was I? Oh yes, Bob Dylan. I’m going to use him and some other bits to prove that culture just isn’t pulling its weight anymore. I had some great things I wanted to say about Bob Dylan yesterday and now I’ve forgotten most of them. I was also going to compare him to Ed […]

The Wrong Good Friday.

As you must have expected I’m not going to spend my Good Friday watching church services followed by some lame biblical epic from the early 60’s with Charlton Heston as God and Tony Curtis as Jesus and Sidney Poitier as Pontius Pilate. With Marilyn Monroe as the Virgin Mary. And so on. If they still made films […]