Post 101. Appropriately.

It is very probably a sign that music and particularly rock and roll has reached the end of the line. ‘Wall of Glass’ by Liam Gallagher is a song that a 7 year old would be disappointed with. I expect Liam is very proud of it and no doubt he can sniff the success that will come from his imminent debut solo album and all the touring he’ll do. A Liam Gallagher devotee must be a strange individual. Like an Oasis nut but with the Manchester lout turned up to 11. To say Liam Gallagher is your favourite musician of all time is to admit that the only musician you have ever heard is Liam Gallagher.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Oasis. In fact on a good day, when Oasis is precisely the kind of music you need, I actually love them. True they were never the most sophisticated band you were likely to hear but they were a damn sight better than most of the half-baked moochers that Britpop chucked up and their pure arrogance was great in a comical way. Noel Gallagher had a genuine talent and between them they were always guaranteed to raise a laugh. Oasis were never even close to being the greatest rock n roll band in the world but they really did believe that they were and I suppose they really had to believe that they were too, otherwise that thing they did would never have worked. What you mustn’t forget though is that without Noel Gallagher Oasis would have been absolutely dreadful.

I’m dubious about the judgement of any musician thick enough to idolise John Lennon and John Lydon and then dismiss virtually everyone else by describing them as “proper shitte, d’you know what I mean?” Also bear in mind he’s from the Manchester music scene. The Manchester music scene and therefore most musicians from Manchester have a uncanny way of massively overrating themselves or of being massively overrated by others. Even modern legends – The Smiths, The Stone Roses, Joy Division (sorry Paul, love you!) have been wrapped up in so much cotton wool that they are deemed untouchable, though between them they’ve produced a very slim recorded legacy (in fairness spattered with some belters) which will forever be propped up by their intensely loyal and unquestioning fan base. But nobody rates Liam Gallagher as highly as he rates himself. Another reason to doubt his judgement. D’you know what I mean?

So Oasis were a good band which briefly glanced the rosy cheek of greatness and Noel Gallagher has produced two decent solo albums and is a genuinely funny man. Liam on the other hand has been, well, proper shitte since he swaggered off on his own. Wearing a parka, shaking a tambourine, consistently failing to have the microphone high up enough and spending 17 seconds singing the word ‘shine’ does not make a good solo career. The two best things about Beady Eye were their name and the fact they didn’t last long. They didn’t last long because they barely got past being half-arsed and I would bet that most people couldn’t name a single one of their songs.

‘Wall of Glass’ isn’t really a song at all, it’s just three words that are sung again and again and again at the end of some drivel lyrics chucked out by someone for whom ‘The Very Hungry Caterpillar’ would prove an intense holiday read. It’s not entirely charmless but after a few listens it feel a bit like being repeatedly hit on the head with an inflatable hammer. However fifth rate ‘Wall of Glass’ (which is essentially a window, Liam) may be, the real clanger is the follow up ‘Chinatown’.

It’s pretty typical of Liam Gallagher’s kind of Mancunian that he still bangs on about how great Manchester is but has lived in London (Highgate these days, I believe) for donkey’s years and has now released a song call ‘Chinatown’ with a video of him brooding himself around a dawn-break London. He looks ever so serious, almost philosophical, but he’s probably thinking about how many Wotsits he can fit in his mouth in one go. The lyrics are what top it all off. They’re nothing short of abysmal and I urge you to look them up immediately. Here are a few snippets (please try to sing them like Liam):

What’s it to be free man?
What’s a European?
Me I just believe in the sun

Or

Concentrate on winning
Forget about beginning
Forget about the middle and end

Pure bollocks and beyond clueless. You could spend days ripping them apart. You rarely meet anyone who doesn’t believe in the sun, for instance.

Anyway I think I’ve done a pretty good job of summarising the key elements of Liam Gallagher’s musical career. Suffice to say his music is of less relevance than the fact he’s one tattoo short of a hooligan and two generations away from a chimpanzee and it’s very easy to believe his brother Noel when he described him as “rude, arrogant, intimidating and lazy. He’s the angriest man you’ll ever meet. He’s like a man with a fork in a world of soup.”. What a brilliant way to describe a man who has done virtually nothing for rock and roll. Please don’t buy his work.

G B Hewitt. 22.07.2017

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