Son of a fu*@ing lockdown.

For fuck’s sake. Or as those pesky acronym monkeys would have it – FFS! Stupid people everywhere. Shall we just pop out to Regent’s Street to see the Christmas lights? Yes, let’s, I bet no one else will be bothering. And there you have it. A month later and we’re in another bloody, fucking lockdown […]

On New Year’s Eve.

I am writing this on a new laptop. It arrived yesterday and is a treat from myself to myself for getting through the year without developing a temperature or persistent cough, whilst also maintaining a reasonably robust sense of smell and taste; it’s hard to believe when you watch the news that people like me […]

On music at Christmas.

Don’t get too down in the dumps, it will all soon be over. I’m not talking about Brexit, and certainly not the other thing, but instead a befoulment of the senses that keeps coming back, again and again and again; like a boomerang made of shit – the music. The music at Christmas. God almighty […]

The night before…..

There’s little doubt that this has been a pretty shit year. However, when it is compared to other pretty shit years in history it won’t win because in the scheme of things it could be a lot worse: for instance, if you think living in London in 2020 must have been tough just imagine living […]

Neither Tier Nor There.

If you want to know where all the vegetables are, we’ve got them. The same goes for the wine, the gin and the tonic, and then of course all the presents. I reckon we must have all the presents because our little house is crammed full of the things. Bags of nicely wrapped Christmas goodies, […]

The joy of dentistry.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth having teeth. It goes without saying that they greatly aid the process of mastication and digestion and they’re quite good for biting fingernails too, but beyond that they seem such a flashy inconvenience. They rot, they hurt, they need constant attention and they are another expense that one could […]

Extra mileage.

A couple of days off kilter but still relevant. Unless fatigue has warped my judgement. My spies tell me they’re leaving it until the last hour, and then they might leave it a bit longer after that. We Brits are not for folding. My spies tell me that all the politicians are busy going the […]

A high street low.

Ahh. We’ll miss Debenhams. Won’t we? Do you remember Debenhams? It really used to hold the high street together, didn’t it? You’d do all your other shopping, all the bits you couldn’t get in Debenhams, like a loaf of bread or a tetanus jab, and then you’d sail through those big sliding doors and spend […]

Full of festive fear.

Christmas has started early this year. It seems we have been fixated on the silly season even more intensely than usual this year, for obvious reasons. Deep down in our collective conscience we’ve managed to persuade ourselves in some richly nonsensical way that if we can save Christmas then that’s it, we’re all out of […]

It’s electricity.

If all you’re after is power, drive, rhythm and thrill there really isn’t much point looking beyond AC/DC. They will never be the most advanced or intellectual when it comes to rock and roll but you could easily argue that by being so straight forward they have emerged as the purest embodiment of that art […]