A message from home.

There is a word for working at home. It is a universal word that is widely recognised (as in universal) from the remote Inuit tribes of way up in Canada to groups of cut off Amazonian Indians to those crazy motherfuckers on North Sentinel Island in the Indian Ocean who are so insular and murderous […]

The Art Of Staying Positive.

It’s not all doom and gloom out there you know. You have to find the positives from situations like this (I can’t even write the word anymore) and to do so one must first look. It’s not as if there’s much else to do anymore. Wifey broke the news to me gently yesterday morning and […]

At your service, as ever.

Here’s a simple guide to just a few of the things you need to know about some coronavirus something or other that I overheard someone or other talking about somewhere or other. I’m surprised it’s not been on the news if it’s that bad. Protect others. Some people are self-isolating and when you’re self-isolating it […]

Blood, sweat, tears and stupidity.

In this crisis I hope I may be pardoned if I do not address the readers of onstupidity.com at any length today. I hope that any of my friends and colleagues, or former colleagues, who are affected by the ongoing social, political, economic, medical, sensual and light entertainment upheavals will make allowance, all allowance, for […]

On bugs, budgets, bastards and bollocks.

The news, I’m sure you will agree, is a funny bloody thing. Take yesterday for instance. As the world collectively decided to blame almost all events, or lack of them, on coronavirus Britain was busy glowing in the distraction of a budget. This was Rishi Sunak’s first big erection and he wasn’t going to let […]

Going out on a roll.

A quick one, can’t stay too long. Mistakes likely. I like toilet roll as much as the next person but these days some people seem to really, really like the stuff. Watching daft Australians nearly punch each other over a 12 pack of Andrex is beyond sad. It’s sad and it’s pathetic and it’s deeply […]

I should be fine. I think.

This is dedicated to the driver of the fat Audi who pulled out in front of me this morning and then spent the rest of the journey driving like they were having a stroke. The fact they had chosen to decorate their rear bumper with an image of a baby in a hoodie, wearing sunglasses […]

Sweet relief.

I doubt I’m the only one in the world but I have definitely mastered the art of eating Starbursts while driving. I’m not saying you should copy me or even that it is advisable, but if you did ever wonder then I’m here to tell you it can be done. And they say men can’t […]

With a tint of rose.

There’s something about dwelling on mortality that reminds me of childhood. I think about mortality a fair bit. There are fewer things more tragic than an unhappy childhood; a wasted one is regrettable but a miserable one is far, far worse. Let us all be thankful then, because I had a great childhood. I miss […]

On Exile On Main Street.

I’ve given myself 67 minutes and 16 seconds to write this. Because that, it would appear, is the length of perfection. Recipe for perfection: Take a large and decadent villa in the south of France and place on the hob. Fill to half way with atmosphere, ambience, damp and testosterone and then bring to the […]