An Idiot Wind.

Lord above, there’s a wind out there. Properly gusty. It’s the kind of weather ‘event’ we keep getting told will happen more, going forward (what a terrible, redundant pairing of words), due to climate change and the impact human beings have had on the planet. Not that this particularly helps. Back in the middle ages […]

Cheerio Prince.

Before you begin – this is not a very late obituary for the artist formerly known as Prince. Just in case you were getting excited. Oh, the relief. Quick, set the bells ringing in every belfry across the land. Issue a new set of commemorative stamps perhaps? Maybe a special bank holiday later this year? […]

The addictive crack of Fleetwood Mac.

Excuse all flaws, this baby has been overdue for weeks and I just can’t bear to fiddle with it anymore. You should be grateful that Fleetwood Mac had much higher standards. Stirred into my dreams a few nights ago was an unexpected sprinkle of Fleetwood Mac. I can’t remember quite what happened that involved them […]

Ready for war?

I wonder how big Vladimir Putin’s willy is. My initial feeling was that it is probably pretty small. He looks like the kind of man who would have a small one. He certainly acts like the kind of man who has a small one, what with all his macho posturing and artillery waving. He looks […]

Try To Look Away.

Somewhere out there is a small group of awful people who get to decide what goes on TV. I’m not talking about the directors, producers, actors or presenters, but rather about the commissioners and the type of people that sit down and decide what sort of programme we might like to watch today; or more […]

A 70’s worth of riff.

It’s a question you’ve probably asked yourself many times: just what is a riff? And believe you me, it’s a very good question (and you are a remarkably clever and thoughtful person to have asked). When it comes to the technical side of music I am very patchy indeed, and so I can’t give the […]

On Chinese snow.

Maybe I’ve been living under a rock too long. Maybe I’m just far too naïve for my own good. Naïve, almost certainly, but I wouldn’t say I was thick across the board. And yet it has never occurred to me that there is so little snow left that we have to make more snow to […]

More On Adele.

And suddenly I see what has happened to Adele. She’s turned. She’s lost her way. She believes the hype. She has allowed all the smoke that’s been blown up her (bleached?) arsehole to cloud her judgement. And I don’t believe her anymore. Some critics say they can hear her singing voice taking on more of […]

Just Three Pricks.

I was trying to put my finger on what the news this week reminded me of. Something to compare it all to. And then it hit me, very cleanly. A medal table – the Olympics, or a football league, whatever you want. Watching the push and pull at the top, no, the bottom. And this […]

A Pig’s Breakfast.

“Mr Hewitt, can you hear me?” (Slap, slap.) “Mr Hewitt, can you hear me, this is the nurse, you’re just coming round.” “Mmmm, oh, er, yes, I think I, yes………….. who are you?” “It’s the nurse Mr Hewitt, you’re just waking up, you’re in the hospital. Can you see me Mr Hewitt? Just take your […]