The Idiots Are Back!

Good news everybody! The Apprentice is back. It’s been away for nearly two years (much like fun and common sense) and I thoroughly applaud the return. Don’t ever let anyone, including Lord Sugar, tell you that The Apprentice should be taken seriously. It is to be ridiculed and hectored at every step of the way, […]

Christmas, deconstructed.

Christmas can’t last forever. Thank Christ for that. It may feel like this Christmas has been a particularly long one, but that’s because it started in October. No, July. No, it started as soon as the last Christmas ended. There is no escaping Christmas; we live in a country so utterly bookended by it that […]

Up in smoke.

There are few things you can do that scale to quite such dizzying heights of stupidity than smoking. Smoking is a fool’s game. Unfortunately, smoking is also one of the most enjoyable, glorious things that you can do with your time. I am still a smoker and the reason I have yet to kick the […]

Such an honour.

When I was a child I starred as Aslan in a school production of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe at the local village hall. Imagine my delight then, when this performance was recognised in the New Year Honour list. I mean, I was rather good in my home made lion outfit and an […]

Ball’s to apostrophes’.

I was recently picked up on my use of apostrophe’s by a loved one, who I should add is also far wiser than me (not a towering achievement, I know). I’m not saying shes’ better than me at everything but if they ever send those letter’s out offering a place in a nuclear bunker because […]

Card Anxiety.

Calendars I can do. Indeed, calendars I do do. Every year I rattle through the many, many photos I have taken of Miss Hairy Mary Miyagi, possibly the most photogenic (and reluctant) cat of all time, and select 13 of the least worst to grace her own bespoke calendar. These are very rare productions: one […]

Care Home Christmas.

At the time of writing this I am sitting in a care home bedroom. If anywhere needs the spirit of Christmas to work a treat then it is the collected bedrooms of every care home across the land. Though even then the spirit of Christmas would end up fooling no one except, well, the spirit […]

I Can’t Dance.

We were out for most of the day yesterday. But most of the day clearly wasn’t enough, because when we got back Strictly Come Dancing was still on, and that was a shame. Wifey has been typically consumed by it this year, but has been accommodating enough to watch it on catch-up and usually only […]

Christmas with Mel Gibson.

I have decided after many seconds of consideration that Lethal Weapon is my favourite Christmas movie. At this time of year, every single year, we get treated to some unimaginative and samey list of the best ever Christmas movies (or “of all time”, as if to suggest that some of the movies made in the […]

Jesus Christ Almighty?

I’ve been thinking a lot about Jesus lately. It’s probably why I haven’t posted for a couple of weeks – driven to distraction by Jesus. Surely it’s happened to us all at some point. Oh come on, you must have heard of Jesus! He was only around for thirty odd years but in that short […]