Floater in a tin can.

Do you believe in second chances? Generally I don’t think much of them, unless I’m on the receiving end, in which case I should be forgiven far more often. I only mention this because a second chance was offered to me on a plate today and if you’re reading this then you are quite literally […]

I get knocked down. Good.

One of the great frailties of the mind is the subconscious ability to pick up on a tune from nowhere and then run it round your head a million times until it’s marginally less enjoyable than being water boarded. With piss. It doesn’t even matter if it’s an absolute belter of a tune, sooner or […]

Fitter, Brighter, Brit-er, Shitter.

I wanted to do this last year. In fact I did start one last year, which I might publish in unedited form just to see if it works. If I remember rightly the core was a blast at Sheeran and Sam Smith. Because they’re both a bit shit. Actually, sorry, Sheeran’s a bit shit and […]

Reflections on a shitty week.

I have been ill all week. I picked up a cold at the end of last week, just as I was about to have a week off and it has stayed with me ever since. We have, in that time, been to France and on a 2 night spa/hotel break (both lovely experiences) and I […]

Who’d like a good Feltzing?

I have a week day wake up routine which can only really be described as Wallace-esque. By this I mean it is full of little gizmo packed peculiarities, not that I wake up realising I’m trapped in a crap marriage with a small, disappointing man who singularly failed to do the one thing I was […]

500 words (give or take)

It is 4 o’clock on a Saturday morning and I’ve come downstairs to write. I can’t stay long because I should be sleeping. I can’t sleep because I woke up to go for a wee. I woke up to go for a wee because the cat decided to plonk her hairy arse right between my […]

The best laid schemes…….yadda, yadda…..

‘The best laid schemes’ wrote an over-celebrated Scottish poet, ‘of mice and men gang aft a-gley’, and in this at least he was exposing a modicum of sense. Basically, what he was trying to get at was that shit happens, whether you like it or not. Perhaps if he had just expressed things more simply, […]

Get up to much this weekend?

I haven’t written a great deal lately. I think it’s because it’s dry January and perhaps the odd tipple lends me an edge of grumpiness that sobriety simple can’t muster up. Or it could be because I’m lazy. Or it could be because I haven’t had many moments of inspiration so far this year. By moments […]

Spread the joy.

It has to be said, cancer is having a field day at the moment. I mean a real purple patch, a winning streak of such proportions it’s almost unfair. Hey, cancer, save some luck for everyone else you jammy sod. It made a sudden strike the week before last by killing off Lemmy, which sounded […]

You little wonder.

Hello. Happy New Year and all that. A dry new year and all is well. I say is, I mean was. This morning came news of a death. A death not just of a man, but of a genius. Not a genius like people with no taste say ‘Ed Sheeran is a genius’ but of an actual […]