Who’d like a good Feltzing?

I have a week day wake up routine which can only really be described as Wallace-esque. By this I mean it is full of little gizmo packed peculiarities, not that I wake up realising I’m trapped in a crap marriage with a small, disappointing man who singularly failed to do the one thing I was […]

500 words (give or take)

It is 4 o’clock on a Saturday morning and I’ve come downstairs to write. I can’t stay long because I should be sleeping. I can’t sleep because I woke up to go for a wee. I woke up to go for a wee because the cat decided to plonk her hairy arse right between my […]

The best laid schemes…….yadda, yadda…..

‘The best laid schemes’ wrote an over-celebrated Scottish poet, ‘of mice and men gang aft a-gley’, and in this at least he was exposing a modicum of sense. Basically, what he was trying to get at was that shit happens, whether you like it or not. Perhaps if he had just expressed things more simply, […]

Get up to much this weekend?

I haven’t written a great deal lately. I think it’s because it’s dry January and perhaps the odd tipple lends me an edge of grumpiness that sobriety simple can’t muster up. Or it could be because I’m lazy. Or it could be because I haven’t had many moments of inspiration so far this year. By moments […]

Spread the joy.

It has to be said, cancer is having a field day at the moment. I mean a real purple patch, a winning streak of such proportions it’s almost unfair. Hey, cancer, save some luck for everyone else you jammy sod. It made a sudden strike the week before last by killing off Lemmy, which sounded […]

You little wonder.

Hello. Happy New Year and all that. A dry new year and all is well. I say is, I mean was. This morning came news of a death. A death not just of a man, but of a genius. Not a genius like people with no taste say ‘Ed Sheeran is a genius’ but of an actual […]

True story?

And lo, that morning Joseph did rejoice the birth of someone else’s child by treating himself to a large gin and tonic just before 11 whilst Mary, so filled with happiness at popping out the saviour of the world, was already on her third bucks fizz and making her way through the twiglets. Blessed be […]

Tra, la, la……..

I think I’ve got writers block. This is essentially constipation for the illiterate, because anyone can write. That ’50 Shades’ woman can write. Hey, not only can she write but she can earn millions of pounds from it, and make many previously prudish women look smug and aroused on a train at the same time. […]

A change is as good as a rest.

Yesterday was my last day of work for 3 weeks. In case you ever wondered what I do for a living I empty and service the sanitary towel bin at a soup kitchen in King’s Lynn. It’s surprisingly taxing and more than a little stressful, so I’ve decided I needed a nice break to get […]

The art of awareness.

A lot of things these days have ‘ness’ added to them. Clamping a big meaningful ‘ness’ to the end of words gives them gravitas and depth and means that those who possess traits ending in ‘ness’ are automatically better people. Better than you and much better than me. You can’t just be thoughtful anymore, you […]