No pain, no gain. Parts 1 to 23.

(Written on a lazy morning this summer to keep Bargain Hunt, Escape to the Country, Dickinson’s Real Deal and general scratching at bay. Did it work? Did it arse.) I woke with ‘the wife’ this morning who then got up and scurried about (like a lovely squirrel, not a rat in a chemical fire) getting […]

Dry it is then. Day 3.

On the third day God woke early with a smile. ‘It’s a Wednesday’ he said to the angels, ‘I’ve nearly broken the back of this one, just get through today then Thursday’s the new Friday and I’m as good as done! Woohoo’. And lo, across all the half-baked, unfinished universe, the angels did echo […]

Dry it is then. Day 1.

It is the 1st of November 2015, Halloween has been and gone. But don’t get excited, your personalised peace and quiet action plan won’t be fully reinstalled until after next weekend when the firework twats finish their utterly pointless work. Domestic pets beware, it’s time for your thick coats to briefly jump off your petrified bodies […]

I am a doughnut. Part 2.

I am a doughnut. Part 2. (I made the mistake of leaving a 3 day gap before finishing this, running out of steam in the process, so if you get two paragraphs, or less, in and think it’s even worse than the normal rubbish that’ll be why. Like the noted philosopher Natalie Imbruglia suggested – […]

It’s Halloween time. Yay.

From the arid title you could probably put a few quid on the possibility that I hate Halloween. And you’d be spot on. Let’s keep things snappy and first look at the competition with a list of 10 really crap days that compete for the prize of crappiest, most over-rated day of the year. New […]

The Adele Distraction.

The Adele distraction. When I got out of bed this morning the world was quite literally my oyster. Sadly I don’t really like oysters. I’ve never had one but they do look repulsive, so I’m basing this on untested opinion. I did that for a few days as I thought about Sam Smith’s new Bond […]

I am a doughnut. Part 1.

I am a doughnut. Part 1. A long time ago Eddie Izzard was a comedian and as such made a living by being funny. Over the years his sublime invention and surreal charms had me thinking he was just about the funniest man on the planet (given Peter Cook was already dead by then, the […]

Dolce et Gabbana est. Part 2

Dolce et Gabbana est – Part 2 (In which we continue from Part 1 and appease all 1 of the readers, hunched in anticipation. The godawful scary doll represents the forgotten embers of Part 1, for those who read it or got put off by the godawful first doll picture, goddamn it.) ………………in reality even […]

Dolce et Gabbana est. Part 1.

Dolce et Gabbana est – Part 1 (Written with a sore head one Saturday morning in mid-March 2015 and kicked off by a news story about synthetic babies and IVF but then redirected elsewhere. Very redirected. Indeed roughly 98% of this blog is nothing to do with fashion house owners, Elton John or synthetic babies. Come […]

On stupidity.

On stupidity. Hello. How-do? This is really just a welcome mat if you like, to explain that I spent several hours tossing about on the internet like a caveman yesterday setting up my own WordPress blog so I could pump out this kind of directionless, dolting diatribe at will and if the stars aligned it […]