Never A Curtain For Burton.

The moment I heard of Michael Parkinson’s death one name immediately leapt to mind. And it wasn’t Michael Parkinson again, although he was a good chap and a fine interviewer and I hope he rests in peace; though I might have to take a couple of marks off for being such a shameless Yorkshireman. It […]

Sinead In The Shade.

I’ve just watched the first five minutes of ‘Avatar: The Way Of Water’, and to be honest I can really see what all the fuss is about. I’m sure that out there somewhere is a 26 year old critic who has only ever seen three other films, altogether, but was ready immediately to declare this […]

Just Stop.

I’m starting to think it’s about time we started to think about stopping ‘Just Stop Oil’. I mean, surely they must be getting a bit bored of themselves by now. I know I would be, certainly if I’d been recreationally derelict enough to commit more time than is healthy to the least effective protest campaign […]

To Have Had The 90’s.

Lots of mistakes. I thought it would be appropriate. It is only with hindsight that I wish I had made more of the Britpop years. Britpop may be an awful name, one that various leading lights of the time are still either very proud or very ashamed to have coined, but as a cultural movement […]

A Fox In The Grass.

I’m thinking of adopting a fox. Not like the animals you can adopt at a zoo. At the zoo they say to the kids: come on, adopt a hippo or a penguin or a lion, but they don’t mean it really. Instead, what they mean is that you essentially pay for the food bill and […]

The dying art.

The trick to dying is making a good job of your timing. James Dean timed his death very poorly – firmly on the way up and at that time in his life easily one of the coolest human beings in existence; he must have been kicking himself. Vincent Van Gogh was the same, dust to […]

Eurotrash.

I’ve had an idea for a song. It’s about freedom. No, it’s about community. No, it’s about triumph over adversity. No, it’s about cultural oppression. No, it’s about mental health issues. No, it’s about rainbows and machine guns. No, it’s about fear and friendship. No, it’s about world peace and Winnie Mandela’s favourite rent boy. […]

On Coronation Nation.

I shall, I must confess, be watching some coronation stuff this weekend. I won’t watch all of it, because it’s true what they say when they say that life is too short, and because on a deep level I couldn’t really care less. But I won’t watch none of it because it is a rather […]

Fit For A Queen.

I wish I had a pair of Freddie Mercury’s shorts. To be honest I’m surprised it’s not been one of my life goals from a very early age. Just imagine, I might have thought as a lad, what it must feel like to belong to a pair of shorts that once belonged to the lead […]

Get Them Out Of Here.

Did I miss the memo, by any chance? Did I not quite take in all the minutes from the last meeting? Have I been hiding under a rock for too long? Should I even bother crawling out from under my rock to ask questions no-one will care to answer? Certainly don’t answer that last one, […]