I don’t really have any rules for writing on this site. If I do then I’m not sure what they are. What would be the point? So few people read it that it doesn’t make much sense to put all my effort into saying something that hardly anyone will see to disagree with. But……….there is, I have been led to believe, a tiny, tiny clutch of you who follow regularly and that in itself is more than enough to justify the 80 quid or so I pay for onstupidity.com every year. I don’t get a great deal of feedback and when I do see a message pop up I will read it and then more often than not be unable to think of a good response (sarcastic, mean, mocking etc) immediately and then just forget about it altogether. If you do send messages please don’t stop, I’ll try harder.
So maybe that’s the rule – only write if I have something worth saying – but then that goes completely against what I’m doing now. Besides, who am I to judge whether what I think is worth saying is the case. Oh, hold on, ‘the kitten’ has something to say………….vregwht7yu7ui,gboobies……………very profound indeed and I think you’ll agree that MHMM has made a very good point. Assuredly a lot better than the one I’m not trying to make. I imagine if you locked her in a room with a typewriter for long enough she could write the complete works of Dan Brown.
Anyway, no matter what you think about what you have read here, I can assure that I have vast folders stuffed with bits that I have kindly spared you from. You’re welcome. This is post #104 and there must be the same again and more in half finished odds and sods that never got anywhere. These include unfunny musings on vegetarianism, totalitarianism, punctuationism, Trumpism, Jehovah’s Witnessism, alcoholism, masturbationism and ‘isms’ (though not all at the same time). Sometimes they’ve been so flat-out bad I’ve startled even my low self-esteemed self.
These crap vaults also include several aborted efforts to write a loving tribute to my endlessly patient and wonderful ‘the wife’, but they never came to anything because this just isn’t the place for public displays of affection, and I can assure that ‘the wife’ is not a huge fan of public displays of affection anyway. At least not with me! She didn’t seem to care on our wedding day though. One rule for one, another for everyone else, eh?
So lucky you, you will never be exposed to my purest, unadulterated, unedited crappy writing on this site,instead you get well meant but questionable moany bollocks. When I started writing this piece I had no idea what to say and it’s clear at least that I’ve stuck to my guns. Perhaps this is just for me and I’ll press publish by mistake (or MHMM will, after she apologises for squirting her arse custard across the bathroom floor earlier) but maybe I just thought it would be nice to write about something without thinking about it first. I think they call this ‘being impulsive’, a characteristic that goes against every grain of my soul. And now you’ve read this you can probably see why I should trust my instincts more often.
To those members of the tiny, tiny clutch I salute your patience and generosity and the surfeit of time you clearly have on your hands. I’m going to write about people with excessive tattoos soon. Because I really can’t see the fucking point in them.
G B Hewitt. 28.07.2017