Farewell sweet ass.

Time to freshen up a little bit I think, hence the clinical new format and a fond wave goodbye to little donkey. I should mention (possibly re-mention, I can’t remember) that the donkey picture was taken in Northern Cyprus a few years ago, just after a big hoo-ha with ‘the wife to be’. A long drive, a bad tempered Mr Hewitt and a little slip down a dusty slope onto her derriere had resulted in the future Mrs Hewitt challenging me at some volume to ‘shut the fuck up!’. This I promptly did and, as is usual, we managed to patch things up fairly sharpish and I always like to think the donkey helped a little bit.

As part of the rejuvenation process I’ve also acquired a new gadget, one of those mini, flippy, tablety, laptopy things, paid for in part by the birthday fairies. To break this young buck the fuck in I am writing this worthless post using it’s very dinky digits and I have to say so far it’s behaving itself rather well.

I’m also celebrating tipping over the 100,000 word mark on this site. I looked it up this morning and according to averages my accumulated output is now the equivalent of a substantial novel of around the 600 page size. As we both know the use of the word substantial refers only to the number of words and thus pages. I could easily just copy and paste the words ‘big pile of poo’ 25,000 times and reach the same result, but where would be the fun in that? And let us not forget that Katie Price has a bumper 10 novels to her name. What a trooper.

I am also trying to avoid or at least temporarily ignore my next journalism assignment which will involve me interviewing a local ‘figure’ and writing up a profile about them. Any thoughts are welcome on this. As ‘the wife’ calmly told me, and she’s right, I’ve paid for this course so I may as bloody well get on with it, though I fail to see in my stubbornness how interviewing a 90 year old about his courgettes will get me any closer to world domination.

So, the article on tattoos is still in the pipeline and there are several other ideas clotting up. The ‘fact’ that the Celebrity Big Brother house is haunted by the ghost of Jade Goody (such horror is beyond the imagination of mere mortals). The rise of ‘sharenting’ (go and look it up and then weep). Or that 10 million Brits have skipped sleep, under-performed at work and neglected household chores due to boxset bingeing. And suddenly that donkey looks like a very clever old soul indeed.

G B Hewitt. 3. 08. 2017

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