intu the void

If there’s a heaven then there must be a hell. I’m still waiting for proof of either but I know hell on earth can’t be far off Watford High Street. If I could have avoided it yesterday morning I would have, but I couldn’t, so I didn’t. If you’ve never been to Watford you should […]

40 something or other.

I’ve just turned 40 so, in the absence of anything better to write about here’s 40 generally rubbish things about the last 40 years. If you’ve not got there yet it feels great turning 40 and creeping another year closer to death. 1. People. People have got worse. They don’t give a shit about other people, even when […]

The Intergalactics.

If intergalactic alien twats landed tomorrow morning hoping to locate and adopt a new leader that was also an intergalactic twat they would be spoilt for choice. Or would they? What might these aliens say? ‘Mmmm, your Mr Cameron, he was a leader but he was also a bit rubbish and now that he’s shitted […]

Proper Fuxed.

Well that didn’t work out too well did it? Unless you’re a 51.9%er. As if my Thursday hadn’t been bad enough I had to look at my phone on Friday morning to find we’d pulled out of the EU, like a dog pulling out of a gorilla. Maybe it was always meant to be and […]

FUXIT.

As I drove to work this morning in the pissing, pissing, pissing, relentless, bastard, pissing rain I passed a big purple sign saying ‘We want our country back….vote leave’. My first thought was ‘wankers’ (not the voters, the campaigners). My second thought was, again, ‘wankers’(not the voters, the campaigners) . My third thought was ‘well, […]

We was robbed.

Gosh, wasn’t it unbearable?! Ooohhh, the tension. Will they get to the end? Will they finish the job? Can England’s finest go the distance in France? In the end neither Peter Crouch or Ian Wright did manage to string together a coherent sentence between them but by jingo did they try. Last night was depressing […]

A tribute to a very naughty gorilla. Plus death and euthanasia.

A tribute to a very naughty gorilla. Plus death and euthanasia. It’s been a funny week though we don’t seem to have spent much time laughing. Yesterday was good though. ‘The wife’ and I had a little lie in and then met up with Abigail Frottagepot, his ‘the wife’ and roughly two thirds of their […]

A moment on the lips.

Yesterday was, I am reliably informed, our ‘kissaversary’. That’s right, 7 years ago yesterday my future wife and I had our first nervous, awkward kiss. Probably. This is precisely the kind of event that, generally speaking, women are very good at remembering and men just don’t bother trying to. What I can tell you is […]

You were always…

Facebook keeps asking me what’s on my mind so, since I have a few minutes, here goes. That photo of a dad with his son, in the shower. That photo has ‘sparked debate’, primarily between people who think it’s ‘beautiful’ and ‘touching’ and people who think it’s ‘inappropriate’ and ‘unsettling’. In fact most ‘people’ have […]

Murder. Just murder.

Five minutes ago you would have found me wearing a long, black, curly wig and pouting at the mirror. It wasn’t my intention to look like a total twat, it never is, but it’s a sacrifice I will have to make for the gods of murder mystery. That’s where we’re heading tonight. To Romford. For […]