Home, bitter home.

Still waters run deep. That’s probably a fact. Behind every privet hedge and polished letterbox who knows what dangers lurk? Things are never quite what they seem and if you spend a lot of your life looking over your shoulder there’s probably a very good reason, though that doesn’t ever necessarily mean it’s your fault. […]

On hidden treasure.

Great news everyone! Amidst all the unbearable dross that fills our everyday lives (you name it, it’ll probably be dross) a small nugget of wonder has finally been given the recognition it deserves, or at least it will do in November. One of the truly great albums of any time is getting the full on, […]

Back, sack or crack.

A witless blend of our current political mess (which one would imagine could be none more fucked, but in doing so would be wrong) and thinking of a good title first and then working backwards. Hey, who’s that tough guy over there? Bruce Lee? Charles Bronson (either one works well enough)? Tony Montana? No it’s […]

And here’s to you, Mrs……..

I’m always getting confused, and there are just too many people out there to do all the confusing. For instance just how many famous Robinsons are there these days!? You’re spot on: too darn many. First there’s, er, The Swiss Family Robinson. And then there’s the Robinson who brought us Robinson’s Barley Water; a beverage […]

A day in the life of the gym.

A gym can be a very busy place, filled with lots of people who are either also being busy, pretending to be busy or not being busy at all. A gym succeeds almost as well as a shopping centre in bringing together nearly all forms of human life, social types and groups that normally wouldn’t […]

Toy Story Flaw.

Last night we went to see Toy Story 4 at our local middle class restored art deco cinema. Most middle class towns have one of them these days. If you don’t then you must be working class scum. We decided to taxi it and shared a bottle of wine and had a few snacks and […]

Befeathered be wary: here’s Hairy Mary!

When is a bird not a welcome bird? When it’s in your kitchen, that’s when. And when is not a good time to find a disabled bird in your kitchen? Any time, that’s when. I appreciate that it was going to happen at some point, that her kitty killer instincts would move on to larger […]

Too much of too much.

I’ve just taken my car through the wash. You don’t see many people wash their own cars these days, with a bucket and sponge, on bright Sunday mornings, little rivulets of soapy water trickling down the driveway, dancing with every colour of the rainbow, a pet dog just sitting there looking at them like they’re […]

On horses and carriages.

You don’t even need to scratch the surface to find a load of bollocks about weddings on the internet. Christ knows how much time is spent trawling the cyber-aisles looking for advice and ideas and venues and do’s and don’t and endless ways of emptying your bank account just in the pursuit of the perfect wedding day. […]

No sporting chance.

I have an Antipodean work colleague, let’s call him Jasper Ricketts, who I have recently allowed into the inner sanctum that is onstupidity.com. I don’t really want this site to have an inner sanctum, I’d like the whole world to read it but then it wouldn’t be so nice if people started pelting me with […]