Wasn’t he in Eastenders?

I’ve had some time off lately. It seems that being a paranoid schizophrenic does not always lend itself to a career caring for baby pandas. Whenever I have some time off ‘the wife’ usually finds a few jobs for me to get on with. I’m not moaning because she doesn’t make some daft long list […]

Didn’t he do well?

RIP Bruce Forsyth. Nice chap, I imagine and had a bloody good innings. I know that some of you may think I’m being harsh but I’ll say this anyway. I wasn’t a big fan of Bruce Forsyth. In fact I wasn’t a fan at all and I can honestly say he gave me next to […]

For Lindsi.

Just for you. Shame on me!

Things to do in Dundee when you’re dead.

A quick summary of the last week and some other pressing matters. Flits about a bit and a touch too long. Sorry Linsi. Finish packing. Shitty kitty dribbling shit ALL over the house. Want to cry. Take kitty to superb sister and her superb ‘significant other’ who proceed to melt all our fears and send […]

Guitar heaven.

Today I’d like to talk about music. On a whim. It’s one of those posts that’s not really about stupidity at all. Specifically I’d like to write about guitars and specifically, specifically I’d like to nominate 10 of my favourite guitar moments in all of music. If you’re not that in to this kind of […]

Sleep tight.

This morning I went to M&S and, as seems to be a regular thing these days, there was a representative trying to shove a promotional product down as many throats as possible. Today’s innovative thing you simply must have was a night face cream and it’s USP was that it could make you look like […]

On Highway Maintenance.

Let’s talk stupid. Stupid is ‘Highway Maintenance’. What exactly is the point of ‘Highway Maintenance’? Of the dozens of ‘Highway Maintenance’ vehicles you might see every single day how many of them are actually helping to maintain the highway? Almost every single one I ever see is driving in front of me far slower than […]

What the f*ck!!

What costs £200 million and dribbles for a living? The answer, apparently, is the Brazilian footballer Neymar. Like a lot of Brazilian footballers Neymar is known only by one name, putting him in the special company of the ‘one-namers’ – chiefly other Brazilian footballers and pretentious musicians like Bono, Sting and, er, Lemar. Now, before […]

The skin you’re in.

Tattoos are, by and large, as a rule, and generally speaking a complete waste of time and money. At least that’s what I think. We seem to be in the thick of a golden age of tattoos. A crappy tattoo renaissance if you will. If I had invested in a chain of tattoo parlours 20 […]

Farewell sweet ass.

Time to freshen up a little bit I think, hence the clinical new format and a fond wave goodbye to little donkey. I should mention (possibly re-mention, I can’t remember) that the donkey picture was taken in Northern Cyprus a few years ago, just after a big hoo-ha with ‘the wife to be’. A long […]